Shine

Today is the year of our Lord, October 17, 2021. It’s Sunday.

It’s been a long time since I wrote here. I have just turned 31 last Friday, and I’m thankful for all the blessings God gave me.

My blessings:

  • my work as an operating room/ delivery room nurse at St. Jude Hospital and my workmates: Maam Ces, Maam Jeanne, Sir Pierre, Sir Joseph, Sir Alds, Sir Rex, Sir Lester, Maam Faye and my manager Maam Prime who constantly makes me learn new things in my nursing career
  • my Huawei P30 phone which was fixed already
  • my Papa who greeted me for my birthday and who loves me unconditionally
  • my brother Paolo who keeps on reminding me to drink my medicine and loves me undoubtedly
  • my talented sister Kim who reminds me that whatever I’m going through I can overcome
  • my mama who has a lovely voice, makes me shed a tear whenever I listen to her sing in times when I am down and who is also very hardworking
  • my home to stay in Carola which I am staying for free, thank you Dr. RJ, who helped my mama in sending me to school for my nursing and medicine for almost 2 years
  • my masteral class for MSN with my awesome professors and my colleagues and friends in MSN
  • my voice which is unique for praising God
  • my silver purity ring which reminds me that my body is owned by God and that I am a princess in His eyes and a queen to my future husband (if God’s will for me to be wed)
  • my constant friends through all these years: Joanne, Aleja, Katrin and my Rizalians (Highschool) friends, my Dreamteam (college friends)
  • I am thankful also to my (angels in disguise) friends who constantly reminds me that God loves me no matter what happens and who unwaveringly stretches my patience and makes me learn new things in life (you know who you are. hahaha)
  • I am thankful also to my church mates who greeted me for my birthday and Pastor Niki and his wife tita Flor who greeted me as well.
  • I am thankful for I have slept well last night too.
  • I am thankful for all the people who greeted me.
  • I am thankful for my 31 years of existing here on earth especially here in my country, Philippines.

Dear Lord,

I know I haven’t been good recently, I have acted capriciously but I am surrendering all my burdens and dreams in life to You, my God, creator of heaven and earth. I am not the best nurse but I am willing to serve and care. Thank you God for Your gift of time.

I pray God for the strength and a humble heart to continue on with my journey. Thank you for your angels who surround me and protect me with love.

Sincerely yours,

Jaea

People watching at Mary Grace

Yesterday, I had my day off. I was from night shift with Faye and Sir Aldwin. I am already a senior nurse. Thank you God. We had 2 CS case and 2 NSD last night.

After duty, I couldn’t sleep. So, I went to the OR/DR of our hospital and took the charger that I left. I saw Maam Prime and Sir Joseph. They are about to have their lunch at the table with Maam Jeanne. Maam Jeanne helped me find my charger. Afterwards, I went to SM San Lazaro.

I went to Chinabank to process my pincode for my atm because my card was suspended again, since I forgot my passcode. It will take two to three weeks to process the regeneration of my pincode. So I withdrawn money over the counter.

I’m thankful to God for blessing me with work, no matter how hard my job is. Since, I know a lot of Filipinos are unemployed, I’m grateful that I have a job. Although, I’m scheduled for night duty for the rest of the month. Haha! Lord, I’m not complaining pero paano na ako makikipag date, kung lagi akong night shift? Hmm.

Lord, thank you for constantly reminding me on continuously learning new things about myself and the people around me.

I am thankful for the chance to be part of the OR/DR department of our hospital. I’m learning a lot of things. Thank You God.

So, back to my day off. I went to Mary Grace. I ordered a banana shake, and charged my phone. Jaira called me, we talked for a little while, she was eating. She said I look gloomy. I was. She asked why. I said, it’s all about grown up things. Then she ended the call.

Moreover, I did not purposely eavesdrop, but I was people watching. I saw a group of three beautiful ladies about to eat their merienda, in front of me. I saw one of the ladies there and gave gifts to the other two ladies, wrapped with manila paper. When they opened the gifts, I saw two beautiful paintings of each of the ladies. The paintings was more of the posterior side of the two ladies. One was playing the piano, and the other one was sitting.

The paintings were beautiful although it was more of the hair and the posterior side of the two. It reminded me to paint again.

Maybe, in my next day off. I will paint again.

Paint again, my love.

Rest my soul.

How to do “IE”?

For future nurses and doctors,

Here’s how to do IE or Internal Exam..

Sabi ni Maam Kaye, our midwife dati sa DR. Doing IE is an art.

So, if you see the patient’s vulva.. May three openings yun.

Yung first opening, yung urethral meatus, then vagina, then the anus.

So, pag nakita mo na yung vagina, hawakan mo with your dominant hand using your thumb and third finger yung puerta. Tapos ibuka mo ng onti, before mo ipasok sa loob yung pointer finger mo sa vagina.

If naipasok mo na yung pointer finger, saka mo ipasok na kasunod yung third finger inside, forming like a “peace sign” sa loob ng vaginal canal. Madali lang, diba?

Ang struggle kapag nasa loob na yung two fingers. So, sa pinakadulo ng vaginal canal, mafifeel mo yung cervix. The cervix is like the opening gate, kung saan lalabas si baby.

With most pregnant women mafifeel mo na agad yung opening ng cervix.. Kasi obvious na nasa gitna. Pero you need to measure it. Kapag one finger lang ang kasya, that’s one to two cm, kapag two fingers, that’s four cm and so on.

Some pregnant women, wala sa gitna ang opening ng cervix. Talagang hahanapin mo pa sa loob kung saan yung butas. Yung iba nasa likod, yung iba nasa gilid.

Masaya mag IE. Kaso, kinakausap ko yung patient, if masakit, kasi yung iba nasasaktan sa IE. So, dahan dahan lang ang pag pasok at pag measure. oki!? Sabihan mo yung patient, “Maam, hingang malalim”… Saka mo ipasok yung fingers mo. πŸ™‚

Your β€œvagina” is actually the vulva and here is what you need to understand  about its anatomy
The Vulva (For educational purposes only)

If you have any questions, suggestions or violent reactions; message me, I’d like to hear from you. πŸ™‚

Phone addiction

I’m thankful for my duty last night. We had two normal spontaneous delivery for 9/10 and early morning of 9/11.

I was with my senior nurse, sir Pierre. Kumain kami kagabi ng inorder ko na shawarma rice. Kaso napadami order ko… kasabay nun, bumili pa ako ng buy 1 take 1 shawarma plus lemonade sa Wow Shawarma from Cristobal street via Food Panda ng OR phone. Thank you God. Nakain ko po yung shawarma ko.

Moving forward. Alam niyo ba kung bakit shawarma binili ko? May study daw sa India, na nakakaboost ng happiness ang shawarma. hehehe. Nabasa ko lang.

Pero…

Guys, I realized just now. I’m addicted to my phone.

Ang sakit sa dibdib. Naluha ako.

Nasira kasi phone ko, hindi na siya nag oopen, my Huawei P30.

I lost my photos. My videos. Nakakaiyak.

Lord… I’m sad also.

Kasi, kanina hindi ko mashare ng walang phone yung faith ko sa senior nurse ko.

He was somehow asking samin ni Sir Ver, about God the father, the son and spirit.

He looks like not convinced about God.. Or I’m not sure.

I don’t feel comfortable na makipag debate. I want to share my faith.

I believe in God.

Buti nandun si Sir Ver kanina. He said a verse from John 10:30 NIV, when he browsed his phone.

Sabi ni Jesus sa verse na yun… “I and the Father are one”

Sobrang dependent ko sa phone. Nakakalungkot.

But I’m grateful for Doc Hersalie Fajardo kanina. She gave us food for breakfast. Chowking chicken with rice and gravy. Namiss ko. Thank you Lord. God bless doctora. I’m also thankful kagabi kay Doc Anicoche.

I am also happy na nakapagtiktok ako with Maam May, Maam Anj, Maam Johai, and Sir Chrysan. I’m also thankful kay sir Jonathan for helping me transfer my patient sa room.

I am also thankful for my laptop with me, for being able to write and recall God’s goodness.

#stillblesseddespitetrials

Umbrella

I just woke up awhile ago from night duty. We didn’t have the dilatation and curettage last night but it was endorsed to the next shift.

When I woke up, my brother was not in the room. He went to Avida to visit her girl friend. When I woke up, I’ve read a few devotionals. Then, I opened my messenger.

Doc Rhona, my professor in grad school, said that tomorrow is already the first day for the next semester of our MSN course. I’ll be taking Medical Surgical 1 course with Dr. Mikee for 2:30 pm up to 6:30 pm.

However, I was still not enrolled. So, I fixed myself and wore make up to go to the nearest BPI machine along Espana and deposited the needed amount. I deposited 3,400 pesos to enroll and to pay as well my remaining balance from previous semester.

I thought of going to Robinson’s Manila after I deposited, but the rain started to fall.

So, I just decided to go back home. I walked via Lacson street, then to Piy Margal Street. I went to stop by at Virano’s Pizza near my place, since its raining.

I ordered a chicken shawarma and a half dozen buffalo wings and paid 399 pesos.

Ate Jona, the person who most of the time provide my orders was not around, instead the owner of the Virano’s cooked the foods I ordered. There was a black man inside the store, probably waiting for his order too.

I was sitting on their chair waiting while listening to their songs being played on the tv.

The black man (sorry for the term) left the store. Until another African went inside too, with a purple umbrella. He is really tall and has broad shoulders. His voice is deep.

This African is the man I’ve met a few months ago in the same restaurant, who loves to play basketball. We had a conversation back then, while I was eating inside Virano’s watching NBA at YouTube. He told me that he already played basketball at the UAAP if I’m not mistaken. He told me that he is nearsighted but he plays basketball without eyeglasses. He asked me before if who are the players that I like in NBA. I told him, I don’t know much; but I like Curry, Giannis, and Rose. On that day, I forgot to get his name.

So back to the present, I was sitting on a black chair when suddenly this African with a purple umbrella came. It was still raining. The cook of the Virano’s called my attention that my order is now ready. It was placed in 2 brown bags. I asked for receipt, but he did not provide any receipt. I told him maybe next time.

I opened the door, when the African was standing outside. He was probably waiting for someone. I didn’t know that it was me. He offered his umbrella to accompany me to my apartment. I didn’t refuse because I don’t have any umbrella with me. He asked where I live. I said, just nearby.

I’ve learned that he is currently living in the building in front of the Virano’s. He walked with me from Piy Margal street up to Carola street, in front of the apartment where I live.

While we were walking, he asked if I have a husband. I said, no.

Then, he asked if I have a boyfriend. I said, no.

Then, he asked, if I am a lesbian. I laughed. I did not answer him.

I thanked him for offering his umbrella.

I was about to enter the gate, when he asked for my facebook name. I don’t know what to say, since I’ve deactivated it. He won’t probably be able to search it. He did not have his cellphone with him, so he was not able to get my name. He offered to give his name instead for Facebook. But, I did not say a word. He instead said, if I don’t like to get it for now, it’s just fine. Then he left with his umbrella and I entered the gate.

It’s not that I don’t want to get it. I was holding the two paper brown bags with my two hands. I will not be able to get my phone, since I deactivated. But I did not tell him that.

I am thankful for his umbrella. Maybe, I’ll see him again.

Thank you, Lord. I have already eaten my shawarma, three buffalo chicken wings and rice.

New OR/DR Nurse: I’m grateful

Hi guys!

I am on duty tonight from 6pm to 6am in the Operating Room/ Delivery Room of our hospital. It is still Pandemic.

It’s been a month already after I had been reassigned to the Operating room and Delivery room. I started last August 1, 2021, after I had a talk with the HR Head and with the nurse manager of the OR/DR at the Human Resource Office. They requested me to be re-assigned from the ER to the OR/DR.

It has been an overwhelming experience at first. However, as time passed by, I get used to the routine already. Although, I know that I still have a lot of things to learn.

Right now, we’re waiting for the scheduled time of the Dilatation and Curettage by the OB gynecologist, tonight.

I am grateful for this experience, Lord.

We are struggling because of being short staffed. However, I believe that we will be able to overcome and accomplish what must be done in the area.

A nurse, midwife and an OR technician assigned in the operating room, works for 12 hours a day.

So, I pray to survive my duties.

Our Nurse Manager in the area is Maam Prime Rose, while my senior nurses are Sir Pierre, Sir Joseph, Maam Jeanne and Sir Oliver. Our midwife is Maam Cess, and our OR technicians are Sir Aldwin, Sir Rex, and Sir Lester.

Thank you God for the blessing of work. I know God holds our past, present and future.

Princess Feona

Alam nio ba guys kung bakit idol ko si ate Feona Turalde, maliban sa Magna Cum Laude siya sa UP Diliman Conservatory of Music?

She taught me how to become a worship leader. Pero, hindi ko naman fully nagagampanan yung role na yun in my everyday life.

Siya nag influence sakin na wag ng umalis ng bansa, dati. Hindi niya pinangarap na mag trabaho sa ibang bansa. Hehe. Unlike me, na ginusto yun since highschool. Gusto ko umalis dati. But it changed.

As far as I know, Associate Director na siya sa SGV. Sobrang galing.

From what I heard, pinush lang siya magaral ng Music ng parents niya. Pero, after niya gumraduate, pinush niya yung accountancy sa UE. She loves numbers. I can’t believe she loves numbers. Hahaha! That’s my waterloo.

Siya din nag influence sakin na gumawa ng blog na to.

She gave me the link of “I will wait for you” by P4CM.

Grabe, memorize ko na yung buong tula na yun. I will deliver it soon in a video.

I miss you ate Feona! And your Moana like hair-do. Happy Happy birthday!

Ako pa rin to.

Dream ko, makita mo na si Shrek, if hindi mo pa siya namimeet.

Please notice me. Take care always.

Dear Dr. Stranger

Naiisip kita ngayon.

Naiisip mo rin ba ako?

Night duty ako. Wala akong patients mula pa nung 6pm.

Natatawa ako sa sarili ko for writing this.

Pero, may tumulo na luha sa pisngi ko.

Kumain ka na ba?

Gising ka pa ba?

Sana naiintindihan mo kung bakit parang hindi ko kayang lumapit pa sa ngayon sayo.

Hindi pa kita lubusang kilala, pero sabi nila.. mabait ka daw.

Totoo ba?

Tinanong ko minsan si “Dr. Seventeen na bida sa pelikula ng Up”, kung nakita na niya ikaw magalit.

Sabi niya.. hindi pa daw.

Ok.

Ayaw kong mabulag sa pag-ibig, kasi malabo na mata ko. Alam mo na yun. I’m risk for fall.

Baka pag nahulog ako ng tuluyan, hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko.

Gusto kitang makilala pa ng lubusan.

Pero, ang hirap. I’m struggling.

Nahihirapan ka rin ba?

Nakakatawa at nangyayari to sakin, ngayon.

Hinahanap hanap kita.

I thank God kasi wala ako masayado patients, ngayong gabi.

Kapag wala kong ginagawa, naiisip kita.

Anong meron sayo?

Anong meron satin?

Anong nangyayari sakin?

Is this real, Lord?

Wag kang mag-alala, hindi ko hahayaan na tuluyan na maobsess sa nararamdaman ko.

I learned kanina from Doc Broli, a doctor professor I had back in Med School sa San Beda Physiology,

It’s either I win or I learn.

Either way, I’m thankful God.

Anghel

Biyernes ngayon.

Wala akong pasok. Nasa bahay lang. Medyo makulimlim ang panahon.

Kumain ako ng niluto kong corned beef na may patatas at rice kanina.

Narealize ko lately, hindi pala maganda yung nagsasabi agad ng “I miss you” sa taong hindi mo pa lubos na kilala, or hindi mo pa talaga nakikilala sa personal.

Kasi, kagabi.. may guy na nag miss call. Nagchat sakin, katrabaho ko. Nag sabi siya ng miss niya na daw ako.

Hindi ako natuwa. Creepy. Hindi ko gusto ko yun out of nowhere.. biglang nagsasabi ng ganun.

Now I know… ganun din siguro naramdaman ni “Dr. Stranger” nung sinabi ko yung miss ko na siya.

Minsan…

Naisip ko.

Wala naman akong karapatan mag selos. Kasi, una sa lahat.. hindi naman kami.

Pangalawa.. Hindi kami close. haha!

Pangatlo.. Isa siyang anghel.

Do you know anything about angels? They protect you. They guide you. But, hindi mo sila mahahawakan. Or I don’t know. Siguro pwede, pero they may show themselves one time, and may never come back again.

Okay.. Alis na muna ako.. Mag huhugas pa ako ng pinggan.

Maselang Bahaghari

Noong bata pa ako, may istorya ang mga matatanda na sa dulo daw ng bahaghari, may makikitang garapon o lalagyan na mas malaki pa sa garapon na may mga ginto at pilak. Ibig sabihin, merong kayamanan na nakatago sa dulo ng bahaghari na ito.

Ngunit, bawat tingin ko dito, pilit ko man habulin ang dulo ay parang walang hangganan.

Napagtanto ko, salamat sa mga guro ko noon, na ang bahaghari ay lumalabas lamang pagkatapos ng ulan. Nagsisilbing pag-asa dahil sa pitong kulay na makikita natin kapag lumabas ang tunay na bahaghari.

Narinig ko siyang umawit sa Instagram, Isang mangangawit na Cebuana. Kinanta niya yung “Rainbow” Yung lyrics, there’s a rainbow always after the rain… Everything will be alright. Ramdam ko siya. Bagamat hindi ko siya kilala.. Alam kong may mga pinagdadaanan itong dalaga na ito, tulad ko, at tulad ni doctora, na itatago ko sa pangalang “Rebecca”.

Minsan, naisip ko.. pinaglalaruan ba ako ng tadhana?

Nakakatuwang isipin na bawat tao na nilikha ng Diyos ay may rason kung bakit nabubuhay, at kung bakit mo sila nakilala.

Isang araw, mga ilang taon na ang nakakaraan, meron akong nakilalang Duktor na taga Sorsogon. Isa siyang aspiring Medical Director ng Provincial Hospital nila. Nabanggit niya sakin, na minsan paulit ulit ang mga challenges na mararanasan natin. Halimbawa, hindi mo nagawang masolusyunan yung suliranin na yun sa umpisa, dadating ulit yun same scenario, pero maaring sa ibang tao na.

Alam niyo ba, hindi ko talaga gusto ang magsulat. Pero ginagawa ko to, kasi may pagka masokista ako. Alam niyo ba na sa bawat alpabeto na sinusulat ko, nararamdaman ko yung pait at sakit. Ibang klaseng sakit. Pero, pasalamat ako sa Diyos, dahil nagagawa ko na siyang ikwento, at mailabas sa aking sistema.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nasasaktan…

Nasasaktan ako… Kasi, tao ako. May damdamin, may puso, may kaluluwa.

Pero alam ko na bawat challenges na dumating sa buhay ko, may solusyon. May sagot. May dahilan, hindi ko man alam kung ano ito at para saan. Alam kong sa bawat araw na lumipas, kahit hindi ko siya nakikita, ramdam ko na mahal niya ako. Si God.

Miyerkules pala ngayon. Night duty ako ngayon sa Emergency Room ng St. Jude Hospital. Kanina, nag insert ng bagong line yung residente namin na si Doc Mike sa isang pediatric patient na may Asperger’s syndrome. Pagkatapos nun, inakyat na namin si patient sa room 311.

Tapos, nagpatulong si Maam Neri na mag insert ako ng line sa kaliwang kamay ng pasyente sa 316 B, dahil may infiltration na sa kanang kamay. Ang intervention ay warm compress.

Matapos ang ilang sandali, nagtext si Doc Higoy, may parating daw na possible Normal Spontaneous Delivery (NSD), pero kanina pa ako naghihintay. Hindi pa dumadating. Nakapagpalit na ako ng linens sa tatlong higaan na meron dito sa ER na kulay bayolet.

Gusto ko sanang matulog, para makapag ipon ng lakas… pero hindi ko magawa, kaya nagsusulat ako ngayon. Tumutugtog yung Bedtime Lullabies sa youtube ngayon, habang nagsusulat ako.

Maya maya, gagawin ko na yung tally at census ng ER para sa buwan ng Hulyo.

Nang biglang dumating si Sir Jonathan, nurse manager namin. Maaga siya dumating para sa morning shift.

Tinanong ko kung umuulan pa rin.

Sabi niya, walang tigil ang ulan, dahil may bagyo.. hindi niya lang alam kung anong pangalan.

Ako rin, hindi ako updated sa weather forecast, kasi wala akong TV sa bahay. I mean meron. Pero hindi ko naman binubuksan para manood, kasi wala akong cable. Hehe. Wala sa budget ko ang para sa TV.

Kasama ko mag duty ngayon sa ER, si Johanie, isang Muslim sa triage, pero hindi pa siya pumapasa sa board exam.

Ako lang ang nag-iisang nurse sa ER. Kaharap ko yung computer, yung telepono, yung printer, at mga mga forms, may calculator din at alcohol at cottons.

Sige, Magandang umaga. πŸ™‚