Losing a friend?

Losing a friend is more painful than losing a romantic relationship. Hurtful truth.

But the most painful part are the goodbyes that have never been said and never explained.

For so many times now, I’ve lost friends. And I ask myself, Is there something wrong with me? Is there something not good with how I treat my friends? Don’t they like to be with me? What was the problem? Am I the problem?

For all these years, I’ve never had so many close friends but I have many friends. The relationship were not so deep. I’ve had one best friend when I was in HS. Then, it never happened again. We lost contact with each other. We lived separate lives. I’m in the health care field while she is an engineer. I miss her. Haven’t heard from her for a long time now.

I’ve also had a close friend in college. But It didn’t turned out good. After an incident in our fourth year. Everything changed. It was heartbreaking for me.

And another in 2013. I felt so alone, with no friends to talk to. I felt deserted in an island. I felt so stupid and foolish and crazy. It was full of gloominess and disappointments. Sleepless nights and big eye bags. Full of wrong indulgences, envy and jealousy, which is not good. Too much of sensitivity. And too much for R and O. I don’t want to take them anymore.

It was too much for me to handle. I was not ready for all of those things. But it still happened. So I gotta move on.

Nevertheless, often it’s the deepest pain which empowers us to grow into our highest selves. I believe in this.

Despite my heartaches and burdens and mistakes, God was there for me. I felt His presence though I was not that into Him at that time. Still, thank you Lord! I know you are only just waiting for me.

Losing friends is one of the most difficult challenges in my life. I need to improve myself. Seriously. I hope I can become a much better friend to someone, somehow, somewhere.

I don’t want to lose friends anymore. It’s devastating. Help me God. You are the God who restores. Thank You!