Birthday 2014

October 15, 2014.

Would it be too late to say thank YOU God for another year that You’ve given me?

Sorry, I have sinned greatly against You. I have placed some people above You in my heart… I know fully that You are so jealous for me. This I know. You love me so much. Thank You!

Thank You for the life that you gave me, despite my mess and my imperfections, You loved me. Despite my physical changes, and though I became fat.. hahaha, You still think I’m beautiful.

Thank You for letting a very close friend of mine pass the board exam! I’m really really really happy that she passed at sa birthday ko pa. Thank You LORD! 🙂

I wanna see her and greet her in person. Wish ko lang. Kailan ako magiging ready? Or should I post in her fb wall na lang although late greeting?? Ha ha.

Thank You also for Mama and Tatay, and Kim and Pao and Papa.
Thank You for Mama.. She loves me so much. She cares a lot.
Thank You for tatay, though I’m not his own child, he treats me like his own daughter. Thank You for Kim, I learn so much from her.. and she inspires me as well. Thank You for Pao, even though he’s busy reviewing for nmat, and though he’s been taking IV therapy training, he was always there for me… to remind me of certain things, that I should’nt be lazy.. haha. At ang sipag niya sa bahay. Para ko na siyang kuya.. at para akong naging bata. haha. Ang tamad ko kasi the past months, maybe because of my sickness. But I know I’m healed na. Diba, LORD? Yes, I declare that I’m already healed. 🙂

I miss Papa. Advance thank you because I will see him again next year. I’ll be going home to Bicol next year to attend my cousin’s wedding.

Thank You also for letting me travel to El Nido with Leigh, Kezee and Abby.
It was a wonderful time with them. I was somehow relieved from the depression that I had for the past months.. since I started medschool. Haha. Ang hirap kasi. But thank you for Your grace! Thank you for the sun, the moon, the sea, the stars, El Nido, the boat,the plane, the fishes and everything!

Thank You also for my friends and for the people I miss so much! I just wanna make it up to them.. How??

Thank You also for Ptr. Niki and Tita Flor. And Lord, the joy that has been stolen from me, I would like to have it back. Because joy has been sapped out of it, my love for the music ministry. It’s gone. My feelings. Can I sing even I’m not on the platform? Can I worship? Even by not singing? Will You take away my voice, if I’ll not use it?

And thank you for my dearest friend/enemy? who blocked me.. it was helpful somehow or not? Ha ha. Sana magbati na kami, in Your time. I’m desperately in need of Your peace. Though he makes my veins boil, I miss him. I don’t want to be angry, coz, it just weighs me down. And I choose not to be angry, mag-kakasakit lang ako. I choose to forgive myself as well.

Thank You for all the lessons You’re teaching me.. In my 24th year of existence, one thing I would never forget is to never mock a pain I haven’t endured. And since, before I usually tell girls who had breakups that it’s just a petty problem.. I know fully now. But the worst thing was there was never an us. So it’s catastrophic and tragic. Haha. And my heart Lord… please guard it securely… it’s so fragile.

And so please check my heart all the time, check my motives..

I know whatever it is that I’m going through right now, You guide my way. You’re carrying me and my burdens. You know all of it.

Thank You!

The trial

All I can say is, this movie is superb. I’ve watched it yesterday with mama, October 23, 2014. I was asked to choose a movie to watch.. the choices were “the best of me” and others.. I didn’t choose the best of me, it might not be helpful to watch for me at the moment. So, I didn’t pick it. Instead, I’ve picked ‘the trial’.

This is one of the best movies I’ve watched that was played on the day of my birthday, October 15, 2014.

The story was about a gardener (John Lloyd Cruz) and a teacher (Jessie Mendiola) who had free tutorials together. The mentally deranged gardener, a special child fell in love with her beautiful teacher, til they had sex at their school, which was caught by a camera of a student in the university. The bad thing was the teacher gave the student a motive for them to do it. Or I don’t know, the teacher was just so friendly and touchy.. But I guess, the student misunderstood? Ofcourse, he woudn’t understand because he’s a special child. And caught up in the moment, just the two of them being together in an exclusive place? Anything can happen. This video went viral. Until it has been brought to court as a rape case.

But actually, it was not rape, because the teacher agreed to do it, and just so to save the school’s reputation of teachers having sex with their students, it was named as a rape case by the school’s president. Eventually, everything connects… the lawyer who defended the gardener and the psychologist who were at the point of losing their marriage was included in the cast.. together with their deceased son, Martin who was a friend of the gardener too, who died because of an accident, were all part of the unfolding story.. of forgiveness, of love, second chances and of how the truth prevails despite difficult circumstances, impossibilities, and even if the people of the Philippines are against one person, justice will prevail.

I liked how the lawyer probed the queries he gave the gardener during the trial. It was reversed psychology. Somehow, he was siding on the opponent’s side, probing the gardener. But in the end, it all went well. That was one of the best scenes. But the twist in the story in the end was..the teacher told her student to just keep it (their sex act) as a secret.. that If he keeps it, she still loves him, but if not, she won’t love him anymore. So the gardener kept it as a secret because he loves her teacher. So that was what the gardener was keeping until it was blurted out in the trial. After the case was won and the gardener being absolved by what was accused against him, he lost his love, the teacher. Everyone celebrated except him. What I learned from this story was even people who are not that smart enough are capable of loving.

Though at times, those people whom we love are the reasons why we feel so much pain as well. They can both build you up and tear you down. But what matters most is love.

#hugot.

This movie is award winning. I like the plot of the story and the twists and the unexpected scenes.

Thank You God, I’ve watched this movie with mama yesterday. And it was a good bonding moment with her.

We shopped also on this day and learned that in walking.. I should not leave my friends behind, and just walk side by side with them and just be a friend. Because if I leave them, they may not follow. This is what I learned from her last night.

Sometimes, I’ve tendencies of fast pace walking and at other times, I tend to leave my friends.. and so I gotta learn this from now on..

Another thing I’ve learned is about holding on friendships. Mama said that I should never hold friends for my own alone.. because it’s gonna weigh them down. I should set them all free if they want to go. And that I should not force anybody and get someone for my own, especially with a boyfriend. I’m so aggressive kasi eh. She said, it will come at the right time, and should never ever be forced. This I need to keep in mind.

Kasi, ang hilaw na prutas pag pinitas, kahit anong ganda ng kulay sa panglabas, pag kinain, hindi maganda ang lasa. Bugok. Kasi pinilit. Pinilit ng wala sa tamang panahon, pinilit ng wala sa tamang oras. Hinanapan ng rason para kainin, dahil sa gutom? Kaya hindi masarap. Hindi kaaya-aya. Kaya pagkatapos ng isang kagat, tinatapon.

And so, I’m learning. I have so many things to learn.

Yet I will praise

I will praise You Lord my God
Even in my brokenness
I will praise You Lord
I will praise You Lord my God
Even in my desperation
I will praise You Lord

And I can’t understand
All that You allow
I just can’t see the reason
But my life is in Your hands
And though I cannot see You
I choose to trust You

Even when my heart is torn I will praise (trust) You Lord
Even when I feel deserted I will praise (trust) You Lord
Even in my darkest valley I will praise (trust) You Lord
And when my world is shattered and it seems all hope is gone
Yet I will praise You Lord

I will trust You Lord my God
Even in my loneliness
I will trust You Lord
I will trust You Lord my God
Even when I cannot hear You
I will trust You Lord

And I will not forget
That You hung on a cross
Lord You bled and died for me
And if I have to suffer
I know that You’ve been there
And I know that You’re here now

More lyrics http://www.allthelyrics.com/lyrics/vineyard/yet_i_will_praise-lyrics-1169156.html#ixzz3GjBlz9Ss

I feel pretty/unpretty

“I Feel Pretty / Unpretty”

I wish I could tie you up in my shoes
Make you feel unpretty too
I was told I was beautiful
But what does that mean to you
Look into the mirror who’s inside there
The one with the long hair
Same old me again today
My outsides are cool
My insides are blue
Everytime I think I’m through
It’s because of you
I’ve tried different ways
But it’s all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
I’m just trippin’
You can buy your hair if it won’t grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up that M.A.C. can make
But if you can’t look inside you
Find out who am I to
Be in a position to make me feel so damn unprettyI feel pretty
Oh so pretty
I feel pretty and witty and brightNever insecure until I met you
Now I’m being stupid
I used to be so cute to me
Just a little bit skinny
Why do I look to all these things
To keep you happy
Maybe get rid of you
And then I’ll get back to me (hey)

My outsides look cool
My insides are blue
Everytime I think I’m through
It’s because of you
I’ve tried different ways
But it’s all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
Keep on trippin’

You can buy your hair if it won’t grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up that M.A.C. can make
But if you can’t look inside you
Find out who am I to
Be in a position to make me feel so damn unpretty

I feel pretty
Oh so pretty
I feel pretty and witty and bright
And I pity
Any girl who isn’t me tonight

Oh oh oh oh oh (Tonight)
Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh (Tonight)
Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh (Tonight)
Oh oh oh oh oh

I feel pretty (You can buy your hair if it won’t grow)
Oh so pretty (You can fix your nose if he says so)
I feel pretty and witty and bright (You can buy all the make-up that M.A.C. can make)
But if you can’t look inside you
Find out who am I to
Be in a position to make me feel so damn unpretty

I feel pretty
But unpretty