If I see you next to never…

If I see you next to never….How can we say forever? What happened to our friendship? 😐 Right here waiting ang peg ko ngayon. Haay. I just want to say, I did not know bakit ang lakas ng tama ko sakanya… Anong pinakain non sakin? Waaah. I wanna get over na po please. I hope this ends today. Out of sight, out of mind. I’m confident of this. But even though hindi ko siya nakikita, flashbacks of him comes and goes in my mind. I can’t get over! Help! But I know I can. I can!! Struggling.

BUT I just miss him. Paano? I’m half crazy. Hooooow? I miss you!!! My goodness! Looks like you’ve totally forgotten about me. Ang sakit. If you just know, I miss you a lot. What could have happened if it did not happen? But I know everything happens for a reason. And everything will just fall into place. Everything will fall into place at the right time. Maybe just maybe, we’re not meant to be? Question mark because I’m not sure. I hope to have peace. Those sleepless nights… must come to an end. Because this just doesn’t do me any good. Am I having this depressed episodes because we didn’t have any closure to let each other breathe freely? But ofcourse I can breathe freely. We cannot force the lungs to not breathe, it’s an involuntary movement. And the control center is in the brain. But there is nothing for us to close, because there was never an us. Just one day, magigising na lang ako sa katotohanan… That there are things that can not be. Hindi pwedeng ipilit, ang hindi pwede. And just let it be. I know I can do this! This is just a challenge that I need to face and conquer. Yes I can do this! I need to keep myself busy. I need to keep myself busy to avoid thinking about him. So I need divine intervention here. I need help here please. Honestly. I have questions that need answers. But am I ready to know the answers?  If not, when will I be ready? Thanks. Above all, we haven’t talked for two years. Grabe! two years na ang lumipas..Magtatatlo na… I can’t believe we haven’t talked that long. May kirot sa puso ko. And I can’t believe this.. Grabe! I miss you!! Ayoko masanay ng ganito. What happened to us??? Why do you refrain from talking to me?? Why?? đŸ˜„

Boys only want love when it’s torture?

“Boys only want love if it’s torture, Don’t say I didn’t say I didn’t warn ya”
This is what I’ve got from Taylor Swift’s recent music video named blank space.

Hmmmn.. I don’t know if this is true or not, but in regards of the thought it brought me, it caught my curiosity.

I have experienced to be in a relationship before. To name it, I had four serious relationship. I’m not counting the last one. So, It’s four. Though the last one, was serious for me. I guess? Because I was so into that guy. But he doesn’t feel the same way for me? About that, I’m not sure. Actually, there was never an us. So, I can’t count that in.

So anyway, I failed many times already in this area of my life. But to be honest, I still don’t know? It’s a conundrum.

But as to what Taylor Swift said, she admits she come to understand that there’s a huge difference between stepping out with someone who’s emotionally secure, and one who’s not: ‘I was thinking about this – boys only want love if it’s torture and a constant chase. Men want love if it’s real, right, healthy and consistent. ” ‘Any girl who’s really thought a lot about romance and relationships and break-ups has determined that the male species has divided into two groups – and it’s boys and men. You can have a 40 year old boy and a 20 year old man – it depends on their emotional DNA.’ (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2809240/Taylor-Swift-hints-s-holding-real-man-string-dating-disasters.html)

So, I think, boys want to feel chasing a girl? I don’t find it interesting. To be honest. I don’t like running. Can I just go swim? I don’t know how to make a man feel the chase. I’m actually not good at that. Also, I’m not good at being chased. It’s chaos for me. And I don’t even know how to torture guys. To be honest.

I just want to do the things that I love without being pressured of being in a relationship. I think this is the most healthy way that I can put this. I’ll just focus first on the things that I love and just wait, when the right guy comes along. I know God is not killjoy when it comes to relationships. I know He’s not. That’s how I put my faith now.

But right now, I just need to be in good shape. Eat healthy, have a healthy mind, exercise regularly and have my goals bullet-ed again. Have peace in my life. I’m not claiming to be perfect, but I know I can handle this crossroads that I’m facing right now.  I just need to be ME, with no pressures. 🙂

And to put this straight, I hope and pray that when the right time comes, I am not in a relationship with a boy but with a man. I hope I’ve learned from all the experiences that I had.

victoriousprincess?

Victoriousprincess? But you know, I have my fair share of failures as well in my life, in love, in my schooling, in my career, and in my relationships.

But then again, failure should not be in my dictionary… It should only be results. To boost my morale. There are good results and bad results.. But every difficulty is a chance to grow and learn.

But, I am fighting every battles that I face with my head held high. These struggles make me strong as a person.

Everyday, it’s as if I’m in an arena in my mind. But am always, ready to face the most munificent enemy that I have, which is myself.

I know despite all the conflicts and discords that I had. A bright future awaits me. I know there’s more of me that meets the eye.

I say Hi! Hello there! 🙂

Leave Of Absence – LOA twice

So, until when will I do this?

I left my masteral at UP-College of Public Health last 2013. I left San Beda College of Medicine, last 2014… and took a leave of absence. Twice in a row now.

I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. Every time my sister hear me say this, she bites me. Because she doesn’t want me to say that I’m miserable. But I am really. Ha ha. Because I wasn’t able to finish my target goals with the desired date that I want.

I have so many doubts. I have so many questions which need answers.

Right now, I’m in the province. Not in my hometown. But I’m on a looong vacation at an island of Mimaropa region 4, Philippines. My dreams.. What happened to my dreams?

Oh well.. I need to get well from my sickness first. I know I can do this. I can recover!I CAN DO THIS! My doctor said. A young, intelligent lady like me can recover fast.

*Psychotic Break. ha ha ha. I like PB! Peanut butter? Okay.. Flight of ideas. I just need to eat. But undeniably, I need self-control in this area of my life and to exercise. I’ll swim again.

And to the guy whom I thought likes me too, I was delusional of thinking that way. But, I deserve better… This I know. I DESERVE BETTER. ha ha. Though we couldn’t end up as lovers, I hope we could end up as friends.

Thank You God!

I love Orchestra. ❀ Thanks Songjiang district.

I just need to re-divert my attention to other things. And by the way, I missed writing. I say hello again. 🙂