#TheSW30 Day 24: If you could relieve ONE day of your life, what would it be? And would you change anything?

If I could relieve one day in my life, that would be the day I decided and confessed that JESUS CHRIST is my LORD and Savior. My journal helped me remember. It was September 17, 2006 at Iriga City Presbyterian Church.

I grew up in a Catholic religion. I studied in Catholic schools when I was a child. I was very good in religion class. I even got an award for having a high grade in religion class “Martin de Porres” when I was studying in Letran. I memorized all the new testament books. But then, I still don’t fully understand.

When I was in highschool, I had a crush whom I met in a Boy Scout and Girl Scout event in Iriga City, where selected boy scouts and girl scouts from all over the city will replace the Iriga City Government officials for a week as youth officials. I met Emmanuel Jason. He is a Born Again Christian. He is one year older than me. I was invited by his brother Jonathan to attend a Sunday worship service at their church. It was my first time to attend a Sunday worship service. Before the worship started, a woman talked to me, I remembered her name. Her name is Yolanda, Yolly for short. She told me to come with her in a private room, where she told me a story about JESUS. Why men was separated from God, the penalty of sin, and the solution to live life fully, and if I am willing to let Jesus sit in the throne of my heart to make Him my Lord and Savior. Right then and there, I prayed that prayer. Then, I attended the worship, it was my first time. I cried while they were singing the songs and playing the instruments. I never experienced that before. I felt like God was embracing me, that He truly loves me.

Years passed by, I don’t regularly attend their worship service anymore, because my family were not Born Again Christians, and it seems like I have other motives why I go to that church and that’s because of my crush. So, I did not last long. I was not followed up either. Until I entered college as a nursing student in RTRMS – Makati Med.

Even if I was a Catholic, I don’t regularly go to church. But I still think that I am a good person, because I don’t sin like others around me. I was self righteous, which was wrong. When I was in college, I had classmates who attend a certain Christian organization at school named, “Ambassadors of the Lord”. They were always inviting me to join their fellowship, but I just don’t have the time. Even then, I was curious with these Christians, they were calm and composed, and they know how to lead a prayer in front of the class. It’s like they are talking to God without shame, and they call Him “Daddy God” and they always praise God, and they seem joyful. It’s like God is real and alive, even if He’s not visible with the naked eye. There’s something about them that I could not just figure out. There’s something special about these people.

I had an RLE groupmate. Her name is Keziah Amorado. She shared to me the gospel using a bracelet with 5 color beads: Yellow, black, red, white, and green. All about salvation. The bookmark below was given to me by Princess Gonzales.

  • Yellow/ Gold – John 14:6
  • Black – Romans 3:23
  • Red – John 3:16
  • White – Genesis 1:31
  • Green – 2 Corinthians 5:17
A page from my Art Appreciation Journal in Nursing School (July 3, 2010)

Then, I still don’t have a church yet. Until, I was invited to attend a Keep Falling In Love Valentine’s special event at New Beginning Community Church in Mandaluyong last February 2011, where I met Pastor Niki Miranda and his wife Tita Flor Miranda, Pastor Lowi Tepase who was still a youth pastor that time. I met ate Feona, ate Hadassah, Kuya Sam, Kuya Eds, ate Weng and the other youths, and ate Jenny who discipled me. Until I attended Grace Encounter and until I was baptized in a youth camp and at church, and attended the Freedom and the Philippines Glow of Love #4 (PGL), spearheaded by the International Grace Ministry from Irvine, California. Their Senior Pastor is a Korean Medical Doctor, Pastor James Shin.

I have no regrets of the decisions I made in the past. I’m thankful of my spiritual journey. I’m far from perfection. I still make mistakes but I believe my faith is growing little by little. I still want to be a disciple maker too. Praying and hoping.

I don’t know how significant my story is. 😅 Praying that God will help me tell my story. That’s it for now. 🙏

This story is not yet finished… to be continued. 🙂 Thank you.


Why is serving others a powerful antidote for reducing anxiety?

First, it allows you to see other people’s problems. Your own difficulties will often shrink when placed before others’ strenuous situations. You become more thankful for all the blessings that you have. Complaining is reduced. Praise increases. And your heart is lifted in joy.

Next, it takes the focus off you. Anxiety increases when your mind is fixed on yourself. You become obsessed with all that is wrong and not working for you. Joy increases when you serve others. Someone once said that joy means: J-Jesus is first. O-others are next. Y-You are last.

When you do, you just may find that your own anxiety is lifted to joy – a joy you’ve never experienced before.

He is a mystery

Have you ever felt the desire to know someone on a deeper level? To know what goes on in their mind?

Have you ever felt like you are solving a puzzle whenever you think of this person and no matter what you do, you can’t fully comprehend how complex and magnificent the person is.

He is such a mystery. I’m pertaining to God.

Am I the only one who feels this? Or do you feel the same way?

I can’t fully understand how much He loves me. He may not say it directly but he lets me feel it surprisingly.

It’s so amazing, from the moment I wake up until I face myself in the mirror. I am so amazed on how he created me: my beautiful face, my soft hair, my curves, my body, every single part of me is such a beauty. My voice. My mind. My smile. Wow. Amazing and it’s all because of Him. He created me so wonderfully.

Thank you God.

Breaking the fear cycle

Job 42:1-3

“God Does His Job Better Than We Can”

An excerpt from the devotional of Maria Furlough’s Breaking the fear cycle

“Every time I give in to a fearful thought, I am once again taking a bite from the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. I am deciding, like Adam and Eve, that God’s reign over my future is not good enough for me; no, I need to tackle it myself. Trouble is, my brain was not created for such a thing. In our finite minds, we cannot comprehend the complexities of our futures. We can calculate all the what-ifs, and so we fear. We fear because ultimately we wonder if we can trust God to do his job well.

Would you be willing, with me, to give God his job back? Would you be willing to try to take one brave and faithful step toward fearless living by taking captive any and all thoughts that fabricate a future we do not yet know will come true?

This is no small thing. I woke up every morning and waged war against my fears of the future. To have any hope of real change. Here are the steps I found helpful:

Step 1: Identify a fear the second it pops into your mind. Ask yourself, Is this thought about something I know to be true right now, or am I trying to tell the future?

Step 2: Talk to yourself. State the fear out loud, write it down, do whatever you need to do to get your brain back into the present moment.

Step 3: Ask yourself, What do I know to be true right now? Sometimes our fears feel so real, we forget they haven’t happened. We need to remind ourselves of reality.

Step 4: Focus on blessings. List all the blessings, big and small, you have in your life at this moment.

Step 5: Name God’s truths. Say God’s promises over and over. Put up verses on your bathroom mirror and kitchen cabinets. There is power in God’s Word.

Overcoming fear is not one of those “yeah, I’ll try to get better at that” things. You have to have a plan of what to do when your brain starts worrying about the future.

What is one fear on your mind today? Take it through the five steps above. How did your perspective change?”

Psalms 139:23-24

🙏 My fear of the future suddenly crept again in my mind. Every time this happens, I feel paralyzed. I need to be reminded that God is sovereign. He holds my future. He holds what is going to happen and I will not foretell how my future is going to manifest because I am just a mere human being. I’m surrendering my future to the Lord. He knows better than me. I know He knows what’s best for everyone. He knows what is in my heart, what I am feeling and everything that I have been thinking of. I pray that God will cover my mind from these fears that I have.

Sometimes, I tend to show that I am brave but the truth is I am scared. I fear commiting the same mistakes that I had in the past. I fear jeopardizing my present and each situation that I am in, because that is what usually happens. Sometimes, I am afraid of so much happiness that I feel like I might get disappointed later on. Sometimes, I fear of being so attached to people that’s why oftentimes I just want to be on my own. Don’t get me wrong, I like my alone time, my time for myself.. But what I don’t like about it is to think that I am responsible for everything I do, that’s why I fear commiting mistakes. I am not perfect, but I don’t like the feeling of disappointing people that I love and care for, maybe that’s the reason why I feel this way.

Sometimes, I have this sudden outbursts of anxiety whenever I feel overwhelmed. I surrender this to God.

My God, He knows best. God loves me. I am owned by God. I am His child. I am on His side. I am worthy of love. I am victorious against the lies of the enemy. I believe in Jesus name. Amen.

The truth is I am loved by God. He is my shield. He is my friend. He is trustworthy. 🙏

Pain has a purpose

Pain has a purpose

Suffering helps us develop godly qualities. It makes us more compassionate. It helps us to see how we can reach out to others. It teaches us patience, long-suffering and reliance on God. It tests our faith. Like the refiner’s fire spoken of in the Bible, suffering removes the impurities of the soul.

I saw this posted by a good friend of mine whom I have met when I went to Mt. Pinatubo. Her name is Camille.

My First RRT

September 3, 2020

Hi! I am nurse Jaea.

I was the incoming nurse for morning shift awhile ago at COvid unit G west of the hospital where I work at. It is my second day of immersion at a progressive care unit usually intended for cardio patients. However, due to the pandemic, it became a progressive unit for Covid positive patients.

I have never had any code blue nor RRT as the bedside nurse within my entire nursing career. But then, I was assigned and immersed at G west, where I can most of the time hear code blues and RRT announcements.

I was donning on my bunny suit, preparing for duty when the announcer said, “RRT G West”. I was anxious. My stomach felt uneased as I approached the station.

I don’t know what to do. Since I told Maam Val, the nursing unit manager of the area that I have not had any code blues and RRT before, I felt like the charge nurse will assign me to the patient, so that I would be able to observe. The good thing was that I am still a buddy nurse to my preceptor, Maam Ivy Jasmin. I am so amazed with my preceptor awhile ago. I witnessed how she talked to the patient and calmed the patient by ‘whistling breaths’ and how the equipment needed were prepared. I tried to help. But I was frozen. I don’t know how should the process go. The other nurses were helping us too. Thank God.

While preparing, there is the presence of the respiratory therapist too who maneuvered the machine (I forgot the term), where the patient was hooked to breathe oxygen. There was a plastic drape on top of the patient from the Operating Room or delivery room? Not sure. I witnessed how the Anesthesiology consultant injected via slow IV push Propofol (if I am not mistaken) into the heplock of the patient. The Anesthesiology doctor intubated the patient with a guide machine. Mind you, I was really anxious even though it was just an RRT and not code blue. My anxiety somehow lessened when the Anesthesiology consultant talked to me and when he handed me the posi flush for flushing before he injected propofol.

When I am anxious, sometimes I cannot hear clearly what the person beside me is saying. Do you feel the same? Then, I got back to my senses. I needed to learn about this. So that I would be able to know when it happens again in the future.

I have a different level of anxiety in stressful situations, but then I am learning how to keep myself calm, which was the advice given to me by sir Jay, the Assistant Nursing Unit Manager of the area. “Stay calm” that’s what he texted to me before the day transpired. I am glad and grateful with the presence of my preceptor Ma’am Ivy awhile ago. I know that I still have a lot to learn.

After the patient was intubated, the patient was inserted with nasogastric tube (by MROD). He was inserted with indwelling foley catheter and was hooked with fluids such as Precedex 400 mg (2 vial) in 100 ml NSS and Fentanyl in 50 ml D5W by ma’am Ivy.

The patient was breathing with the use of the machine.

I just observed the RRT, then I was assigned to my other elderly patient that is quite stable enough, I was a buddy to ma’am Val afterwards. She is amazing and assertive. I am amazed that she is already a nursing unit manager at a young age.

While I was with my elderly patient, I told him my name. I said that my name is “Jaea”. His hearing is not quite well, so he validated if my name is “Julia”, because that’s what he heard. Then, I told him again, “No sir, I am Jaea po”. Then he said, “Julia?” Hahaha. Simple joys of being a nurse. I inserted an IV line to him on his left hand and administered a “to start” medication. I am glad that he can eat independently. Then, I asked my patient if he would allow me to pray for him. Then he let me prayed for him before my shift ended. I was worried if he could hear my prayer. I held his right hand and spoke the words, as the spirit led me. After that he said, “Di tayo papabayaan ng Panginoon” (God won’t abandon us). I was touched when he said that to me. I learn from my patients too, you know. Sometimes, I question myself why am I a nurse in the hospital, when it is so difficult..

Just like with my case, I was diagnosed with depressive disorder by the doctor since 2013. Right now, I am stable with low dose medication compared from years ago. Don’t worry, I am cleared by my doctor that I am fit to work. Sometimes, I still feel lonely, especially now that I am living independently in Manila. I needed to realign my thoughts every day, to battle the negativity in my mind. I would read the bible in the morning and in the evening before I sleep, just to be reminded of God’s promises to me. God is faithful forever and ever. I believe. You know, the good thing about being a nurse is that it somehow distracts me from my negativity whenever I enter my patient’s room.

I have not reached the level of an expert nurse yet, but I am hoping and praying to be a nurse who has already mastered the skills that a safe nurse should possess. Every time I commit a mistake, I pray to God to help me accept it all with humility, even when it hurts. If I will evaluate myself, I feel like I have already improved from before. Little by little everyday. Thank you God.

I am learning everyday. It never stops. Battling the unseen war, the unseen enemy. I believe God is with me in this journey. He knows everything: the past, the present and the future.

Good night.

Nahum 1:7 ” The Lord is good, a strong refuge when trouble comes. He is close to those who trust in him”