Neuro Consultation

My doctor told me the last time I consulted him, na mas maganda daw na i-push through ko na lang career ko with nursing, than pursue medicine.

Why? It’s because his wife is a nurse too and after 8-12 hour shift, her responsibility with her patients end already.

But, with his case as a doctor, he told me that even if at home, his responsibility still doesn’t end after his duty with his patients.

He told me, na mas maganda daw na mag-abroad na lang ako, mas malaki daw kikitain ko abroad than here.

Pero takot ako mag-abroad mag-isa. Haven’t told him that.

He increased my dose to 200 mg of the medication that I am taking for just two weeks.

Whenever, I take that.. I easily fall asleep.

There was a time before, I was not visited by my period for a year.

But when I don’t take it, I cannot sleep at night.

Sometimes not taking it, makes me feel angry.

I had irregular menstruation. Sometimes, it doesn’t come.

I even told him, na I wanted to go back sana to medschool.

But, he gave me just 1 year na masusurvive ko yun.

He said, problems are everywhere, and in anywhere I go.

He said that I just, don’t need to react with everything the people around me does.

How to displace anger?

I am so mad at so many things in life.

I am unemployed.

I am so mad. I am hungry.

My funds are almost depleted.

Tapos, gulong gulo na ako sa dapat gawin.

I am torn between nursing and medicine.

I want both.

Alam nio ba yung sakit ko nung highschool?

Sumasakit lagi yung toes ko sa paa.

Nawala na yun, tapos, bumabalik na naman siya ulit, kapag nasstress ako.

Sobrang galit ako.

I don’t want to be perfectionist anymore.

I just want to be stable at work.

My doctor told me, mataas daw IQ ko, but my EQ is…

Alam nio ba…

Yung pinakagusto ko kaya ako nagnursing?

I want to leave my country. I want to go to Canada.

Pero nag-iba yun, just before I graduated Nursing.

I wanted to become an ob-gynecologist.

Tapos, nag NMAT ako. waited for a year, dahil pina-una na muna sa David.

So, nag- Masteral ako with Hospital Administration,

It went well at first.. I was planning to finish it in one year (dapat)

I was a college scholar. But it did not push through the next semester.

I went to Macao and Hongkong last 2012.

A part of me, wishes na sana hindi na lang ako pumunta dun and instead.. nag-focus ako para tapusin yung masteral ko.

Ang daming nasayang sa oras ko. 2020 na ngayon. Tapos, yung kinikwento ko 2012 pa rin.

Pero, okay lang. Nag-enjoy naman ako sa free accommodation, airplane ticket and free food nung tour.

Hindi ko alam, kung ano ang dapat ko ikamadali. May hinahabol ba akong oras?

Sobrang dami ng nasayang sa oras ko. Galit na galit ako.

2012

2013

2014

2015

2016

2017

2018

2019

2020

Parang kahapon lang. Ang dami ko sinayang, pero ang pinaka kinafrufrustrate ko is yung time, na naagaw sakin.

Di ko malimutan yung sabi ni Dra. Mabunga, she was my professor back in UP, “doing nothing is also a choice”

Tama yung sinabi niya, and it haunts me. Ang dami ko na dapat nagawa.

I am so mad.

When my family asks me, ano ang gusto ko? Hirap na hirap ako sabihin..

Para bang umuurong yung dila ko, kapag sasabihin ko.

Yung dream ko, I want to be a mother with kids and a husband who can provide and will set a good example.

I want to pay my bills on time. I want a clean home. I want to eat.

I want to have my own flat or apartment.

Pero, hindi na ata yun mangyayari.

I am so frustrated. I guess with myself. Haha. Ang hirap ng mataas ang standard.

Nakakapagod na. But, Kaya ko to.

The Book Thief

Alam niyo ba, may mga libro akong di pa naibabalik hanggang ngayon sa mga owners nila.

  1. Edith Hamilton’s Mythology, Timeless tales of Gods and Heroes
  2. Angels and Demons, by Dan Brown
  3. Anatomy PreTest Self Assessment and Review, by Ernest W. April (4th edition)
  4. What’s so amazing about Grace, by Philip Yancey
  5. Know what you believe, by Paul E. Little
  6. Book about Hospital Architectural design from DOH

So far, ito lang naalala ko.

Haha. Hindi ko pa rin tapos basahin.

Yung dalawang book, nasa akin dito sa Manila. Yung ibang books nasa Mindoro. Hindi ko pa rin tapos basahin. Haha.

Don’t judge a book by its movie.

I believe it is much better to read a book by yourself, than to watch it.

I am really sorry sa mga rightful owners of the books na hindi ko pa nasoli.

The first classmate I punched in the face

I’ll tell you about Jerome. Though I’m not sure of his name.

He was my classmate back in preparatory school.

He was the first boy that I punched in the face inside the van, the school’s service car.

When he bullied my brother, Paolo.

I wrestled with him, even though he was much more bigger than me.

I was not afraid of him, since I don’t like my brother to be bullied. Haha!

Or maybe, I should have let Paolo fought with him na lang.

Sayang ang beauty and energy ko. Haha!

Luke

I’ll tell you about Luke,

He was my first crush.

When I was still in Montessori School,

I was a junior or senior casa that time, in preparatory for grade 1.

He was just a shy, timid boy.

He seldom speaks,

He is quite mysterious…

Maybe that’s the reason why I was intrigued by him;

When I transferred to another school, I lost contact with him. I never saw him again. I can’t even recall his surname.

Anyway, I was too young to understand about crushes. I just admired him. He’s nice.

Tulog na

Nainom ko na yung gamot ko.

Inaantok na ako.

Dumating pala si Pao ngayon, sinamahan ako papunta sa Doctor’s clinic.

Thank you Lord, kasi nakausap ko doctor ko ngayon.

P1500 ang PF niya. Hahaha. Tumaas.

Pero okay lang. Atleast nasabi ko saloobin ko sakanya.

Tapos, nag milktea kami ni Pao pagkatapos, kasama girlfriend niya.

Umuwi na sila parehas ng Mindoro.

Tapos, ako.. antok na.

Good night.

Michael

Meron ako naging schoolmate nung highschool,

Hindi ko siya classmate pero kabilang siya sa ibang section.

Hindi ako kagandahan noon. Sobrang nerd ko.

Nasa auditorium kami ng highschool department, para sa isang assembly.

Nakaupo sa mga nakahilerang upuan.

Tapos, may biglang nag-paabot ng sulat na tinupi lang,

galing sa likod ko.

First year ata ako noon o second year high school.

Alam mo yung nakasulat?

Binuksan ko yung liham niya..

may tanong siya sakin..

kung pwede ba daw siya mang-ligaw.

So alam niyo na yung sinabi ko..

Alam niyo na.

Nagsulat ako, sa likod ng note niya… tapos pinabigay ko sa likod ko.

Sabi ko, “Mag-aral ka na muna..”

Sinabi ko ata dun na hindi ako tumatanggap ng manliligaw,

kasi ang fokus ko ay ang pag-aaral.

Hindi ko alam, kung seryoso siya.

Siya lang ang bukod tangi na nag-tanong sakin ng tanong na yun.

Basta hindi ko siya in-entertain.

Tapos, hindi na siya muli nag-paramdam pa sakin. Hahaha!

From what I heard, successful na siya ngayon.

Masaya ako para sakaniya.

What’s UP?

Alam niyo ba, ang sama ng loob ko sa UP.

Hindi ako maka-move on sa grade na 5 sa Epidemiology.

Patawarin.

Ito ang tunay na sablay!

Kasalanan ko naman, bakit kasi ako nag-exam na hindi maganda pakiramdam ko.

Nasayang yung apat na taon na ginugol ko sa eskwelahan na yun,

na pilit ko pa rin gustong balikan.

Ano ba ang gusto kong patunayan?

Wala naman ako dapat patunayan…

Masaya naman ako sa mga naging classmates ko.

Pero nakakainis pa rin.

Ang unfair lang.

May mga classmate akong doctor, hindi sila nag-exam,

nagbigay lang ng medical certificate,

nakakuha pa ng dalawang degree.

hahahaha.

Okay lang.

Sayang, nagpadistract kasi ako. Andami tuloy na sayang na oras, na hindi ko na maibabalik pa.

Wala yan sa haba ng pangalan.

Nak ng sabaw!

Mangarap

Ano ang gusto mong abutin,

ano ang gusto mong maging?

Ano ang kakayahan mo?

Huwag mong pakinggan ang mga bulong,

bulong na nagsasabing hindi mo kaya,

na hindi mo kayang harapin ang dilim.

Ang dilim na nagsasabing nag-iisa ka lang,

sa hamon ng buhay na ating hiniram lamang.

~ Jaea Bitao